WritersBeat.com
 

Go Back   WritersBeat.com > Search Forums


Showing results 1 to 25 of 99
Search took 0.00 seconds.
Search: Posts Made By: Nee
Forum: Poetry 07-06-2013, 03:19 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 478
Posted By Nee
Interesting...and well said. I believe it...

Interesting...and well said.

I believe it can be stream-lined into a slightly more concise read, however.
Forum: Poetry 07-05-2013, 10:39 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 478
Posted By Nee
I screwed up. I can't believe I didn't see...

I screwed up.

I can't believe I didn't see this:

In line 8 the word was supposed to be, un-containable, not containable. That completely changes the meaning--slaps head.
Forum: Poetry 07-05-2013, 10:28 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 475
Posted By Nee
Yes...it is very Tool. I wrote that however back...

Yes...it is very Tool. I wrote that however back in 1985.
Forum: Poetry 06-28-2013, 01:52 PM
Replies: 12
Views: 595
Posted By Nee
Thank Pandora. This was written years ago...

Thank Pandora.

This was written years ago of a woman who was to be a great friend, but not for another 5 years after this first meeting. Her boyfriend was at the time, busy packing-up everything...
Forum: Poetry 06-26-2013, 09:28 AM
Replies: 3
Views: 363
Posted By Nee
Shifting from a established pattern in mid stanza...

Shifting from a established pattern in mid stanza it is crucial that the fist line of the shift be solid. Switch the 3rd and 4th lines in the second stanza then rewrite "Mary had a big smile that no...
Forum: Poetry 06-24-2013, 07:42 PM
Replies: 15
Views: 853
Posted By Nee
And where did I say that you were struggling with...

And where did I say that you were struggling with rhyme?

What I said was, "It's pretty obvious that you are thinking of the rhyme more than the content or structure."

Content and structure are...
Forum: Poetry 06-24-2013, 06:27 PM
Replies: 15
Views: 853
Posted By Nee
Places like these are for giving and receiving...

Places like these are for giving and receiving critiques. It is how we learn how others view our work. Am I to take it that you do not wish to receive critiques?
Forum: Poetry 06-24-2013, 02:50 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 478
Posted By Nee
There are three elements to this poem. View them...

There are three elements to this poem. View them as separately contributing to the whole (or existing within the whole) This is a tragedy of predatory ego fulfillment and its life damaging...
Forum: Poetry 06-24-2013, 02:31 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 393
Posted By Nee
I think your chosen structures are ineffective: I...

I think your chosen structures are ineffective: I would work more on content and a straight-forward way of conveying thought over word choice. After all what a poem says is more important than the...
Forum: Poetry 06-24-2013, 02:22 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 384
Posted By Nee
I am too busy to remember the way it was...

I am too busy to remember the way it was originally written But, still I believe you should cut lines 7 & 8.
Forum: Poetry 06-24-2013, 02:18 PM
Replies: 15
Views: 853
Posted By Nee
I really think you could learn a lot by writing 8...

I really think you could learn a lot by writing 8 or 9 poems without employing any rhyming scheme at all.

It's pretty obvious that you are thinking of the rhyme more than the content or structure.
Forum: Poetry 06-24-2013, 01:55 PM
Replies: 12
Views: 595
Posted By Nee
Write a few very short observational essays and...

Write a few very short observational essays and see if by lining up some of the clauses into individual lines you can jump-start an idea. Don't try rhyming or counting syllables, just try to say...
Forum: Poetry 06-24-2013, 01:44 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 425
Posted By Nee
This is another caution against becoming...

This is another caution against becoming complicit in your own assumptions that you have a right of expectation: I've done good so I deserve this. You get what you get...it has nothing to do with...
Forum: Poetry 06-22-2013, 09:43 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 384
Posted By Nee
The 7th and 8th lines interrupt the flow: and if...

The 7th and 8th lines interrupt the flow: and if you want to do that then the following line should shock, send the reader into a deep contemplation, or cause them to laugh (or get pissed at you). In...
Forum: Poetry 06-22-2013, 01:16 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 478
Posted By Nee
No Wonder

.

And, he imagined the water running deep under the earth
Like a rainy patch—in an otherwise clear sky—fallowing a
lazy sun’s slow decline toward its assassination in the west
Piling itself...
Forum: Poetry 06-21-2013, 10:06 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 425
Posted By Nee
Damn the Good Times (Bad language)

.

Damn the Good 'Ol Times
And fuck that ‘One hell of a guy’ as well
Because, they can only make you feel normal
They can only leave you the hollow expectation
That you actually deserve to live...
Forum: Poetry 06-21-2013, 09:58 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 440
Posted By Nee
Stone Pavings

.

Between the gasp, thrust and pull
Out in the back, there by the pool
By the means of her brazen back
There, almost at her very grasp

Yeah...she loves the feel of Flagstone
Cold & hard...
Forum: Poetry 06-21-2013, 09:41 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 322
Posted By Nee
Head On The Tracks

.

He was open for the single track
While waiting for the train to pass
Like an empty room behind his eyes
Choosing what was not in his mind
Though never pausing for his rest
In waiting for...
Forum: Poetry 06-21-2013, 09:15 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 673
Posted By Nee
Except that she isn't a multiple personality.

Except that she isn't a multiple personality.
Forum: Poetry 06-19-2013, 06:09 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 691
Posted By Nee
I thought it quite obvious. But then, aren't...

I thought it quite obvious.

But then, aren't you 'spose to groan loudly at the sophomoric?
Forum: Poetry 06-19-2013, 09:48 AM
Replies: 0
Views: 370
Posted By Nee
Deep Reckonings

Here's one from the mid 80's.
...............


So right: but wrong
Challenging your insides
As sorrow bends your head
No matter the books you read
And empty desires take it back...
Forum: Poetry 06-19-2013, 09:25 AM
Replies: 8
Views: 598
Posted By Nee
Perhaps there may be only so far you can separate...

Perhaps there may be only so far you can separate the three elements of a parallelism...but, I still believe this piece works.

And there is not any rule against repeating words.
Forum: Poetry 06-18-2013, 10:04 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 598
Posted By Nee
Thanks everybody.

Thanks everybody.
Forum: Poetry 06-18-2013, 09:48 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 507
Posted By Nee
Hi Vlad. This one starts off strong but...

Hi Vlad.

This one starts off strong but stanza 3 and 4 take away from the momentum you had going. I'd combine them into one and leave it at 3 stanzas.
Forum: Poetry 06-18-2013, 09:36 PM
Replies: 12
Views: 595
Posted By Nee
And you can't use that same...

And you can't use that same pattern/structure/meter on another poem? Many poets only use 2 or 3 variations of structure and/or rhyming schemes. Go back and study that poem and see if you can figure...
Showing results 1 to 25 of 99

 

All times are GMT -8. The time now is 09:08 AM.

vBulletin, Copyright © 2000-2006, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.