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Search: Posts Made By: FallenShandeh
Forum: Tips & Advice 08-22-2015, 12:36 PM
Replies: 22
Views: 9,207
Posted By FallenShandeh
I'm not offended at all :) I believe that...

I'm not offended at all :) I believe that education is the solution to all problems. Writing all characters as people, while remembering that diversity both of character and of character's...
Forum: Tips & Advice 08-21-2015, 04:48 PM
Replies: 22
Views: 9,207
Posted By FallenShandeh
I find this interesting because all sexualities...

I find this interesting because all sexualities are just people. The trap people fall into is TRYING to write a character to be flamboyantly gay, when in fact out of all the gay people I know (which...
Forum: The SPaG Workshop 08-21-2015, 04:38 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 2,350
Posted By FallenShandeh
Thank you Poirot, I'll play with that idea. This...

Thank you Poirot, I'll play with that idea. This chapter is already nearly 4000 words but it is what it is and if it proves necessary to split the chapter somewhere in the middle I'll do that.
Forum: The SPaG Workshop 08-20-2015, 12:02 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 2,350
Posted By FallenShandeh
I like it but it's not Hale. You know how...

I like it but it's not Hale. You know how sometimes a character has a very powerful voice in your head and regardless of how correct a suggestion might be, you just can't accept it, because it isn't...
Forum: The SPaG Workshop 08-20-2015, 10:55 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 2,350
Posted By FallenShandeh
Or maybe I'll try again five seconds ago. ...

Or maybe I'll try again five seconds ago.

Three men whose names I could not recall approached Collier in a group, engaged in a loud but playful argument over who was most courageous.

Okay......
Forum: The SPaG Workshop 08-20-2015, 10:49 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 2,350
Posted By FallenShandeh
It's been rewritten twice but it still feels...

It's been rewritten twice but it still feels awkward no matter how I spin it, and it's really bothering me. I'll try again when I'm not so burnt out.
Forum: The SPaG Workshop 08-20-2015, 04:29 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 2,350
Posted By FallenShandeh
Who or whom?

I'm normally pretty solid with "who" and "whom" but in this sentence I'm uncertain:

Three men whose names I could not recall approached Collier in a group, laughing and arguing loudly but...
Forum: Fiction 08-20-2015, 02:45 AM
Replies: 12
Views: 1,113
Posted By FallenShandeh
I like "chill wind" for Hale's voice, and if you...

I like "chill wind" for Hale's voice, and if you look up old poetry it's a fairly common turn of phrase which has fallen out of fashion in modern times. Hale is a bit of a traditionalist when it...
Forum: Writing Help & Issues 08-20-2015, 02:36 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 1,836
Posted By FallenShandeh
Thanks, I'll have a play with some of them and...

Thanks, I'll have a play with some of them and see what I can come up with :) Using a few (or a few re-imagined) will help me with naming all sorts of different locations.

Yesterday I spent a few...
Forum: Fiction 08-19-2015, 07:03 AM
Replies: 12
Views: 1,113
Posted By FallenShandeh
Thank you :) you're right on all accounts, so I...

Thank you :) you're right on all accounts, so I edited. And added another little bit.

"Followed me to the Ten Hells and back" is a lore-friendly version of the common "to hell and back" figure of...
Forum: Fiction 08-19-2015, 04:37 AM
Replies: 12
Views: 1,113
Posted By FallenShandeh
Edited again, according to Marc's suggestions. It...

Edited again, according to Marc's suggestions. It also reflects a Duchy name change, to better reflect the British feel to the narration. Because Hale hails from this area and he feels very British...
Forum: Writing Help & Issues 08-19-2015, 02:25 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 1,836
Posted By FallenShandeh
Sears and Skaal have both been renamed. ...

Sears and Skaal have both been renamed.

Sears has become Wight (capital is Wightmouth) and Skaal has become Wyrmrich (capital is Llanwyn). There are in-story lore reasons for both names.
...
Forum: Fiction 08-19-2015, 01:59 AM
Replies: 12
Views: 1,113
Posted By FallenShandeh
A few more edits because I keep revising the...

A few more edits because I keep revising the entire story so far (I have, in total, just over 2000 words, written over a couple of days) and fiddling with sentences which seem out of character for...
Forum: Fiction 08-19-2015, 01:35 AM
Replies: 12
Views: 1,118
Posted By FallenShandeh
I've actually posted a short excerpt already, and...

I've actually posted a short excerpt already, and I'd be very happy to have a read of your work and let you know what I think of it. You certainly have a solid grasp of word mechanics, punctuation...
Forum: Writing Help & Issues 08-19-2015, 01:26 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 1,836
Posted By FallenShandeh
Sears refers to an event from the days of legend,...

Sears refers to an event from the days of legend, which I will go into in more detail in the course of the story. But it can be changed, particularly since I have been informed that Sears is a...
Forum: Fiction 08-18-2015, 01:44 PM
Replies: 12
Views: 1,118
Posted By FallenShandeh
I'll admit I find this post painful to read,...

I'll admit I find this post painful to read, which I suppose is why my novel is a medieval(ish) fantasy in which my POV character is a well-educated man, as befitting his status as both a Lord and...
Forum: Fiction 08-18-2015, 11:02 AM
Replies: 12
Views: 1,118
Posted By FallenShandeh
That's very true but all dialogue still needs to...

That's very true but all dialogue still needs to be punctuated at the end, and I would rather people didn't butcher the English language to indicate a manner of speaking. Word choice and ordering is...
Forum: Writing Help & Issues 08-18-2015, 09:48 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 1,836
Posted By FallenShandeh
Naming a Kingdom, ugh!

I'm partly venting and partly asking for advice.

So some of you may know already from my post in "Write Here" that my kingdom consists of five Duchies, one being named Sears. It's gotten to the...
Forum: Fiction 08-18-2015, 07:53 AM
Replies: 12
Views: 1,118
Posted By FallenShandeh
I think this shows a lot of promise. It was...

I think this shows a lot of promise. It was difficult to read until I went through and broke it into the paragraphs that made the most sense to me, and the combat is not as dynamic and action-packed...
Forum: Fiction 08-18-2015, 05:23 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 870
Posted By FallenShandeh
I agree with PSW and kblue on all of their...

I agree with PSW and kblue on all of their points, and will add that the following sentence feels awkward:



It seems like far too many words to describe a deep frown or glare. If you're...
Forum: Introductions 08-18-2015, 12:15 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 1,567
Posted By FallenShandeh
I've had this online handle since 2007 (before...

I've had this online handle since 2007 (before either of those UD entries). It evolved from ImmortalShande. Shande was my rabbit's name and on the game I played where my pseud was ImmortalShande I...
Forum: Introductions 08-17-2015, 07:58 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 1,567
Posted By FallenShandeh
Sounds fascinating - also sounds like you've...

Sounds fascinating - also sounds like you've fallen into a common trap a lot of authors end up in, with the writing the same character over and over again in many different forms. I think I'd like to...
Forum: Tips & Advice 08-17-2015, 06:38 AM
Replies: 22
Views: 9,207
Posted By FallenShandeh
That's not exactly what I meant. I meant diverse...

That's not exactly what I meant. I meant diverse personalities. It's not okay to have a token gay, or a token trans, or a token person of colour. Having a character who happens to be a PoC or happens...
Forum: Fiction 08-17-2015, 05:27 AM
Replies: 12
Views: 1,113
Posted By FallenShandeh
Thank you, I have edited :)

Thank you, I have edited :)
Forum: Introductions 08-17-2015, 05:07 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 1,567
Posted By FallenShandeh
That sounds fascinating Max, I've been building...

That sounds fascinating Max, I've been building my worlds for years but I have this nasty little habit of dropping stories and forgetting about them! I think in total I have somewhere over 1000...
Showing results 1 to 25 of 31

 

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