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Search: Posts Made By: Hilee Coco
Forum: Free Writing 07-15-2012, 05:47 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 519
Posted By Hilee Coco
Thanks for the feedback, this answers my question...

Thanks for the feedback, this answers my question of whether the punchline was clear or not: It was night.
Forum: Free Writing 07-15-2012, 04:16 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 519
Posted By Hilee Coco
The Apocalypse

Haven't been on for a while, so I thought I'd start off with something simple. This one's completely true. Not much to it, but thoughts welcome.


One weekend my friends had gone home and I was...
Forum: Fiction 05-22-2012, 12:11 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 599
Posted By Hilee Coco
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Forum: Fiction 05-22-2012, 11:52 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 553
Posted By Hilee Coco
The writing is not bad, and as zombie stories go...

The writing is not bad, and as zombie stories go it's not terribly cliche-ridden. I like terse post-apocalyptic heroes as much as the next person, but that style seems to have translated to distant,...
Forum: Fiction 02-06-2012, 02:59 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 584
Posted By Hilee Coco
This leaves me curious. Not a lot happens, and...

This leaves me curious. Not a lot happens, and there's not much explanation, but that actually works to the advantage of this piece. The ambiguity and rising tension were very skillfully done. Good...
Forum: Fiction 02-03-2012, 03:07 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 668
Posted By Hilee Coco
Pretty funny. I enjoyed cringing at that awful...

Pretty funny. I enjoyed cringing at that awful marriage. The main problem was that it moved too fast, seemed to skim over the divorce. If you don't want to make the unraveling of the marriage central...
Forum: Fiction 02-01-2012, 05:39 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 1,569
Posted By Hilee Coco
There's a lot going on here with symbolism, but...

There's a lot going on here with symbolism, but you pull it off gracefully. Good description, particularly of the little girl (so hard to do without sentimentalism). Interesting twist too.


...
Forum: Fiction 01-30-2012, 11:18 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 657
Posted By Hilee Coco
I didn't expect to like this. It would have been...

I didn't expect to like this. It would have been very easy to make it irritating, but instead the writing was funny and natural. Nice job. I think this would have commercial appeal.
Forum: Fiction 01-30-2012, 11:15 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 736
Posted By Hilee Coco
This is some effective flash: well-paced and you...

This is some effective flash: well-paced and you nailed the ending. I had one question... but never mind.
Forum: Members' Choice 01-26-2012, 03:04 PM
Replies: 16
Views: 8,474
Posted By Hilee Coco
"The Octopod" by TheRunoff....

"The Octopod" by TheRunoff. http://www.writersbeat.com/showthread.php?t=35814
Forum: Fiction 01-26-2012, 11:51 AM
Replies: 8
Views: 1,005
Posted By Hilee Coco
I like it, not a lot going on here but definitely...

I like it, not a lot going on here but definitely works as a character sketch. I think I remember seeing Nina around...





awkward
Forum: Fiction 01-26-2012, 11:44 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 754
Posted By Hilee Coco
I think the best audience for this is people like...

I think the best audience for this is people like Tom, who don't mind taking things very, very slowly. It's not bad, just not to my taste.
Forum: Fiction 01-21-2012, 02:07 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 1,094
Posted By Hilee Coco
Well thank you. :) It's looking better. Keep up...

Well thank you. :) It's looking better. Keep up those concrete details!
Forum: Fiction 01-20-2012, 02:36 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 705
Posted By Hilee Coco
Don't worry about it, trying new things, even if...

Don't worry about it, trying new things, even if you might fail, is the only way to get better. But a quick edit before you post is a good idea.
Forum: Fiction 01-20-2012, 09:31 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 522
Posted By Hilee Coco
The writing isn't bad, but it's all too easy, no...

The writing isn't bad, but it's all too easy, no conflict. There are few details, little story, and not much to convince me I should be interested. I did like the descriptions though: I ride public...
Forum: Fiction 01-20-2012, 09:24 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 705
Posted By Hilee Coco
Okay, if I'm going to be honest, a lot of it was...

Okay, if I'm going to be honest, a lot of it was a boring rant that could have been written by any teenage girl in the world. And the rest seems to be checking boxes on a list of hot topics:...
Forum: Fiction 01-20-2012, 09:11 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 1,045
Posted By Hilee Coco
Sorry, but my eyes start to glaze over when I see...

Sorry, but my eyes start to glaze over when I see all this wordiness and abstraction. I've just been reading about nuclear magnetic resonance spectrometry, and I'm pretty sick of lofty theory. Give...
Forum: Fiction 01-20-2012, 09:06 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 581
Posted By Hilee Coco
This is probably my fault more than yours, but I...

This is probably my fault more than yours, but I didn't understand the ending. Anyway, the ring was an interesting way to frame the story, but the scenario (desirable man; sleazy motels; numerous,...
Forum: Fiction 01-18-2012, 11:46 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 1,094
Posted By Hilee Coco
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Forum: Fiction 01-18-2012, 10:29 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 1,094
Posted By Hilee Coco
I don't think this adequately explains why Lucy...

I don't think this adequately explains why Lucy made such an impact. This is all superficial right now and doesn't go beyond the stereotypes: the small town, the uptight mother, the curious boy, and...
Forum: Fiction 01-16-2012, 10:39 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 586
Posted By Hilee Coco
Yeah, better. :)

Yeah, better. :)
Forum: Fiction 01-16-2012, 09:41 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 586
Posted By Hilee Coco
Looks pretty good, just avoid cliche and...

Looks pretty good, just avoid cliche and overwrought phrases:
Forum: Fiction 01-15-2012, 05:32 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 480
Posted By Hilee Coco
I'm not sure what was the purpose of the setup:...

I'm not sure what was the purpose of the setup: the awards show with the grouchy old man. Anyway, the speech didn't seem realistic. That's how people write, not talk. So why not ditch Dallenford,...
Forum: Fiction 01-15-2012, 02:49 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 674
Posted By Hilee Coco
Yes. The descriptions (of the mental and...

Yes. The descriptions (of the mental and physical worlds) are the strength of this piece, so stick with those and cut the abstraction.
Forum: Fiction 01-12-2012, 07:34 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 537
Posted By Hilee Coco
The nicest thing I can say is that there are...

The nicest thing I can say is that there are certain places that would definitely publish this.

Maybe someone else can get more out of this.
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