I Am

I Am A Woman


I am a woman
A woman with dreams
Dreams of making it big
Big aspirations and cherished desires
Desires of the body and soul
Solely mine are these fires
Fires that penetrate to my very core
Coursing through my thoughts
Thinking of my being me
Myself; as a woman

Refrain:

I am a woman
A woman I am
I am a woman

A woman wanton and free
Free to ride the motion of my emotions
My emotional states are a fact of life
Life’s fact based emotions lead the way
Way off; the scale of dreams, which do get delayed
Delayed for another day they might be
For to be; a woman

Refrain:

I am a woman
A woman I am
I am a woman

A woman with wants
Wanting more things then others
Others have their own essentials
In essence I am who I am
I am not; just a woman
A woman I am

Refrain:

I am a woman
A woman I am
I am a woman

A woman with love in her heart
A heart willed with lacy delights
Delighting in being by her loved ones
Ones only thoughts are of being proper
Properly showing off who they are
Are there others just like me
For I am; a woman
A woman I am

__________________
Timing is everything! love, peace, pleasure, prosperity to all

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This was an OK piece; but if you read it, it goes on and on about the same mainly. The ends contains alot of fresh ideas, but the middle appeared as a rant-ish rantyness, lol. I suggest cutting down around those parts; and again, the end was okay.

As far as neatness and flow, I find it a bit iffy. From the first verse you went from 10 lines then to the second you did 7, then the third 6, and then 8. That's a little unorginized by just reading it, but I can't be too quick to judge because I don't know if there's music or not; if there's not, then it'd be quite difficult to get orginized.

If I'm missing something, tell me

I'll give it a 80% (-20 because of unorginization and because the middle area of the lyrics went dull)

|B.F|

__________________

Boiled Frog thank you for the high marks. This was my first try. Tell you the truth I expected a lot lower. Initially I had written it differently. And found like you said it lacked being orginized. So I seperated it and put in a refrain. Then repeated it.

From what I gather about verse it is important to have the same amount of lines. Can you tell me what is the best way to go about it for the verse? Is it a good thing to put lets say a verse with 6 lines then 8 lines then 6 again then 8. Or is it better to keep it all in the same amount of lines?

As for music. Well it was the holidays when I wrote it. I had two song that wouldn't leave me. One was in english with a slighter upbeat of "Oh, Susanna" and the other was a french song I think the name is "Ses le Bon Temp Du Jour De L'An. Which is a fast beat "Happy New Year's Song".

The two things I was pulling on where my poetry and what I'd learned about chick lit.

Again; thank you!

__________________
Timing is everything! love, peace, pleasure, prosperity to all

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I like the simplicity of your title and the honesty in your content.